There’s almost nothing that can tank a group faster than that person—the one who talks too much, listens too little, and can’t seem to stop giving long-winded monologues.
Sometimes it’s unintentional. They’re enthusiastic. They love the Bible. They think out loud. But over time, one dominant voice drowns out everyone else. And the rest of the group begins to shrink back.
You can see it in their body language: crossed arms, forced smiles, eyes drifting toward the clock or the door. Eventually, they stop coming. One by one, people quietly disappear—not because they didn’t love the Word, but because they didn’t feel heard.
Too much talking from one person doesn’t just make things awkward—it drives people away. And often, the person talking the most is the last one to notice.
If You Learn This, It Will Benefit Everything
There are very few skills in life that have the power to transform everything—your relationships, your leadership, your influence, your spiritual depth, your emotional intelligence, your marriage, your parenting, your friendships, and even your effectiveness in evangelism. But listening well is one of those rare skills.
It’s not flashy. It won’t trend on social media. But it will make you magnetic. Why? Because people are starving to be heard.
If you learn to really listen—not just nod politely while you wait to talk, but to actually lean in, slow down, reflect back what you hear, ask good follow-up questions, and offer your full attention—almost everything in your life will get better.
Marriages get better. The Gottman Institute, one of the world’s leading marriage research centers, has shown that one of the strongest predictors of a healthy marriage is “turning toward” your partner emotionally. That starts with listening.
Workplaces get healthier. Harvard Business Review reports that the most effective leaders aren’t the ones who talk the most—they’re the ones who listen deeply and make people feel understood. When team members feel heard, productivity, loyalty, and creativity skyrocket.
Mental health improves. Research has shown that people who feel listened to report lower levels of anxiety and depression. One study found that even a brief encounter with a trained listener (someone who reflected back, didn’t interrupt, and asked thoughtful questions) reduced stress hormone levels and increased a sense of wellbeing.
Small groups flourish. A group that learns to listen becomes a place of healing. It becomes a safe harbor. In fact, many people don’t need advice—they need to process out loud, and be met with empathy, not solutions. Listening does that.
Dallas Willard once said, “The first act of love is always the giving of attention.” Listening is love with its ears open.
In the long run, if you truly learn this—if you really train yourself to become a better listener—it will affect everything. It may not feel dramatic, but over time, it’s one of the most transformational changes you can make.
So slow down. Put the phone down. Make eye contact. Ask one more question. Reflect back what you heard. You may be surprised how much healing, growth, and connection come not from what you say, but from what you hear. Listening is how you win friends and influence others:
What wise men like Warren Bennis (and no doubt Dale Carnegie) instinctively know, and what “smarter than wise” younger, ambitious people like Jim Collins and yours truly are still learning, is that the way to truly win friends and influence the best people is to be more interested in listening to them than you are in impressing them.