The Attraction of Lesser Things

Place the highest value on relationships! Not on money, but on relationships—first with God and then with others. Not on time, but on relationships—first with God and then with others. Not on things, but on relationships—first with God and then with others. Not on your work, but on relationships—first with God and then with others.
“Yeah, yeah, I know that,” you may be thinking. Of course you do. We all know this. The problem we have with valuing relationships is not in the knowing but in the doing.
Think for a moment about how easy it is for the unimportant to intrude on the truly important in our relationships:

   • You get up early to spend a few minutes with God to start the day, but you end up reading stock quotes or sports scores instead.
   • Your best friend is pouring out her heart to you, but you’re distracted by that little piece of spinach stuck in her teeth.
   • Your spouse is talking about something really important, and your mind keeps wandering to the fact that your favorite TV show started two minutes ago.
   • Your child is actually talking to you for once, yet you are so pressured by the tasks of the day that you find yourself rushing the conversation.
   • You’re writing a chapter on the importance of relationships, yet when your wife interrupts to discuss something important to her heart, your first response is to feel irritated. (Oh, sorry, this last one may have been more for me than for you!)

We could discuss dozens upon dozens of reasons why we give relationships a lesser priority. In the end, understanding why we do it is not nearly as important as changing the fact that we do it so regularly. This is one of those issues where just understanding why has little power to bring about change. Sometimes the answer to a problem comes through personal reflection alone—but this isn’t one of those times. We’re talking about relationships—and so it only makes sense that you have to get outside of yourself for your relationships to change. You’ll never change your relational priorities by continually doing an internal examination of your priorities. The only way to change your priorities is to begin to make different choices in your relationships.
Jesus teaches us how to make different choices. What he teaches takes just two sentences to say but a lifetime to put into practice: Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. That’s it! Jesus teaches that we must replace our old set of values with a new set—and we must then begin to act on this new set of values. First we renew our priorities, and then we act on those renewed priorities. When Jesus taught that love for God and love for our neighbor are to come first, he showed us which values are to have first priority in our lives. Then he described how to live out the priority of loving God in the words “with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” and the priority of loving others in the words “as yourself.” During the next several days, we’ll explore some ideas for putting these words into practice. But first let’s review what Jesus said was not important when compared to the things that are of first importance.
There is a difference between what we think we should value and what we truly value. Take thirty seconds to ask yourself what it is you actually place value on. Here are five questions to jump-start your thoughts in an honest direction:
   • What’s the first thing you think about in the morning?
   • What does your schedule tell you about your priorities?
   • As you look at your checkbook, what gets paid, no matter what?
   • What do you find yourself talking about most?
   • What’s the last thing you think about when your head hits the pillow at night?

We’ve already looked at Jesus’ clear statements that loving God should be the most important pursuit in life and that loving others should be a close second. He also spoke about the need to avoid pursuing the lesser values that can get in the way of relationships. Let’s look at two of the most intrusive of these lesser values—money and tasks. Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing inherently wrong with making money or with accomplishing tasks. We’re not talking about whether these are good or bad; we’re focused on the issue of priorities.

Tom Holladay and Rick Warren, The Relationship Principles of Jesus (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2023).