Spirituality for the Rest of Us

These pages aren't meant to denigrate or devalue the spiritual disciplines. It's not meant to downgrade the help they've given so many. It's simply meant to offer insight into the minds and hearts of those who don't read so well, who work with their hands instead of their minds, who still show a few symptoms of ADD, or who view three days of reflective solitude in a monastery as worse than hell itself.

 

Their tools for building a great marriage had somehow become the measure of a great marriage.

 

Fact is, what works for one can be worthless—even harmful— for another.

 

I got the distinct impression that God was somehow partial to reflective types with high IQs, impressive vocabularies, and lots of self-discipline. And that left a lot of us on the outside looking in.

That's caused me to wonder if sound doctrine is perhaps more the result of knowing and pleasing God than the primary and indispensable first step before he shows up.

The tell-tale mark of religion is easy to spot. It's a one-size-fits-all approach to spirituality: “Follow our rules, fulfill our rituals, and God (or the gods) will be pleased and placated.”

And that's exactly how it is with our heavenly Father. If we want to know him, really know him, it can only be done through developing a personal relationship. And no two personal relationships will ever be exactly alike. Our one-size-fits-all discipleship and spirituality recipes have to go. We must recognize them for what they are—mere religion in the guise of relationship.

Jesus was sending a clear message. They'd been looking at the wrong things. The proof of his messiahship was not to be found in the style and format of his ministry; it was to be found in the fruit of his ministry—God's power working mightily in the lives of many.

The most important thing in pleasing God is not a particular approach to spirituality or style of ministry; what matters is the fruit

What if God didn't want everyone to be turned into a leader and a hill-charging spiritual warrior?

God-pleasing spirituality may or may not go hand in hand with spiritual leadership. If you don't believe me, check out the stories of King Saul and Samson. Both were powerful leaders in God's kingdom, but neither seemed to know him all that well.

But I was missing the blindingly obvious. Timothy and Titus were not the standard fruit of Paul's ministry. They were the rare and unusual; they were the next generation of leaders.

 

The vast majority of the people Paul led to Christ, and the vast majority of people in the churches he planted, never became leaders or joined Paul on one of his missionary journeys.

 

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody. (1 Thessalonians 4:11—12)

HAVE YOU NOTICED that most of our programs and models for spiritual development follow a strict linear pattern? Step one, followed by step two, and so on. Yet, if we stop and look back at our own spiritual journey, few of us will find anything close to a neatly laid out linear path. For most of us, the road to spiritual growth and maturity is more like a meandering path punctuated by occasional stretches of unexpected twists and turns. So why do we place such a great emphasis on sequential steps and an orderly progression in our discipleship programs and models? I believe it's primarily because linear models and programs are much easier to design and administrate. In reality, most spiritual growth happens on a haphazard need-to-grow or need-to-know basis. As life happens, we're suddenly confronted by the need for personal growth or more biblical information in an area of life that up to now hasn't seemed all that important.

Information, even incredibly vital information, doesn't stick unless we're convinced at the time it's delivered that it's important to know—or at least will be someday.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.… All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. (Philippians 3:12–16)

 

This is not to say everything linear is bad or ineffective. I'm simply suggesting that the linear approach is way overrated and overused. If you're one of the rare straight-line kind of Christians whose primary means of growth has been line-by line, and if you benefit from linear models—by all means keep at it. It's the path that works best for you. Don't worry about your meandering or where you should go next. You'll get where you need to be. But if you're not so straight-line, don't worry about your meandering or where you should go next. You'll get where you need to be as long as you stay on the path and look first to God and Scripture when a need-to-grow or need-to-know crisis pops up. In the meantime, don't fret if you go through a dry spell, or if the standard linear programs fail to produce much fruit. The simple process of meandering through various discipleship options—even in a laissez-faire or stop-and-go fashion—will keep you closely connected and ready to receive the help and information you'll need when a need-to-grow or need-to-know moment hits.

But those who have close and transparent relationships experience a completely different reality. When a crisis hits, they usually find people quick, even eager, to help.

Developing close and transparent relationships is an important part of preparing for life's inevitable calamities.

NOW, IT'S HARDLY CONTRARIAN to trumpet small groups as a powerful tool for spiritual growth, and it's hardly contrarian to call for close and transparent relationships. But it is contrarian to actually be in a small group. And you're definitely in the minority if you intentionally maintain close and transparent relationships with more than one or two others.

 

Surveys show that most people, Christians included (especially men), have only one or two close and transparent relationships. For many, only their spouse has such a relationship with them.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10:24–25)

But that shouldn't matter, because the greatest value of being in a small group—or any other form of ongoing, close, and transparent relationships—is found elsewhere.