Verse #12:
Don’t be stupid

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.
Proverbs 12:1 (NIV2011)

If you could change one thing in the groups of all churches everywhere, what would it be?

• Better organization?
• More prayer?
• Better teaching?
• Stronger evangelism?
• Closer community?

All of these are good things, but if I were to choose one thing to change, it would not be any of them. It would be that all group leaders everywhere would embrace the Proverbs 15:31 principle: Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.  Proverbs15:31 (NIV2011)

Are you easily corrected? Do people find it easy to come to you with an idea about how you could be a better teacher or better parent? Do you heed life-giving correction? If so, you will be at home among the wise.

This principle is emphasized throughout the Proverbs. The wisest man who ever lived knew that in order to walk in the way of wisdom, you must be willing to take advice. You must be easily corrected. Here are a few more verses:

• You will say, “How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction!”  Proverbs 5:12 (NIV2011)
• Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.  Proverbs 12:1 (NIV2011)
• Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.  Proverbs 13:10 (NIV2011)
• Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord. Proverbs 16:20 (NIV2011)

They have a saying in the business world: feedback is the breakfast of champions. If you want to get better at anything, get feedback. Find someone who can speak into your life. Find someone who will speak into your life. Find someone who will give advice. Bert Decker says it well:

Feedback is the breakfast of champions. Great Olympic athletes thrive on coaching, watching themselves on video, getting advice from other athletes, and from the way their performance feels. In their perpetual struggle to exact their best performance from their efforts, they rely on many different techniques of evaluation.

Accepting criticism—even the best-intentioned and constructive criticism—is often painful. But if you really want to take your speaking to the next level of effectiveness and impact, you must identify the limiting factors—those habits and behaviors that hold you back—and get rid of them.

When is the last time someone gave you an idea about how to be a better teacher? When is the last time you asked someone to give you some advice about how you can be a better teacher?

Everyone who listens to you could probably tell you a dozen things—or more—that you could do to be a better teacher. They all know. They even talk some times. I don’t know. You don’t know. But they know. Everyone knows. Ask them. Open your heart and life to life-giving correction.

If I were in charge of the universe, every teacher would be in a huddle. About once a quarter, the teacher would go and listen to one of the fellow teachers in his or her huddle. About once a quarter this fellow teacher would come and listen to you.

Just listening would do an enormous amount of good. Listening to other teachers would give you a slew of ideas on how to be a better teacher. Some of these ideas would come from the positive example of this other teachers. At other times, you would see things you don’t want to do. But, you know what is coming. The next part is where the real benefit is.

The real benefit is when a trusted friend speaks into your life and tells you what you could do better. This part must be done very carefully. Iron sharpens iron. This process, if not handled skillfully, can be unbearably painful. Here is how you can make the pain bearable.

We are all capable of getting our feelings hurt. We are all capable of getting discouraged. These groups, if not handled properly, could do more harm than good. I suggest some structure. I suggest you require your fellow teacher to tell you five things you did well and one thing that could have done better. A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.

They have actually done research on this. Turns out, the magic number is 2.9013. If there are not at least 2.9013 times more positive interactions than negative interactions in a marriage, the marriage is heading south. If a business does not have 2.9013 times more positive interactions than negative, moral—and productivity—will suffer. If a church does not have 2.9013 times more praise than complaints, it is not a church anyone wants to attend. Here is the science:

Based on Losada’s extensive mathematical modeling, 2.9013 is the ratio of positive to negative interactions necessary to make a corporate team successful. This means that it takes about three positive comments, experiences, or expressions to fend off the languishing effects of one negative. Dip below this tipping point, now known as the Losada Line, and workplace performance quickly suffers. Rise above it—ideally, the research shows, to a ratio of 6 to 1—and teams produce their very best work. This is not just some arcane mathematical formula, either. Losada himself observed countless examples of it in action. For instance, he once worked with a global mining company suffering from process losses greater than 10 percent; unsurprisingly, he found that their positivity ratio was only 1.15.48 But after team leaders were instructed to give more positive feedback and encourage more positive interactions, their teams’ average ratio increased to 3.56. And in turn, they made giant strides in production, improving their performance by over 40 percent.

If the magic number is 2.9013, why do I recommend a ratio of five positive things for every one negative?  I call it the principle of over-determining success. If you want to be successful at anything, don’t do just enough. Do a little more. Go the second mile. Do a little extra. Over-determine success. If you want to encourage someone, tell them five things they did right for every one thing you tell them that could have gone better.

You don’t have to stop at five positive things. You don’t have to stop at ten. Who of us couldn’t use an abundance of encouragement? Imagine getting together with some teachers friends they just gush about what an effective communicator you are. Oh, then they point out one little bitty thing that could have gone better. Who couldn’t handle that? Who wouldn’t love that? Who wouldn’t benefit from that?

Of course, if you want your huddle to be that way, you have to start. Gush. Compliment. Look for many things you fellow teacher did right, then point out one or two things that could have gone better.

Keep this up for a few years and everyone will get better.