There is a difference between listening and hearing

When someone listens to me in such a way that makes me feel heard, I am no longer lonely. Being listened to cures loneliness. This is why the Bible says that we are to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” (James 1.19) Larry Crabb says:

When two people connect, when their beings intersect as closely as two bodies during intercourse, something is poured out of one and into the other that has the power to heal the soul of its deepest wounds and restore it to health. The one who receives experiences the joy of being healed. The one who gives knows the even greater joy of being used to heal. Something good is in the heart of each of God's children that is more powerful than everything bad. It's there, waiting to be released, to work its magic. But it rarely happens.

What does it mean to be quick to hear? And, why is it so rare?

Quick to hear means I am eager to hear and not eager to talk. It means I am eager to understand. It means I am eager to empathize. It means I am eager to feel what you feel. Remember the words of G.K. Chesterton, “There's a lot of difference between listening and hearing.”

Think of the opposite. To be slow to hear means I am eager to talk. It means I want to express myself and be heard. There is a time for that. The Bible does not say that we should not speak at all, it says we should be slow to speak. The default mode of the human heart is to do the opposite—it is to be quick to speak, and slow to listen. The default mode of the human heart is to be eager to speak and reticent to listen.

Paul speaks of a friend named Onesiphorus. Paul says about him that he “often refreshed me.” (2 Timothy 1.16) Paul looked for just the right word and found one that is used only here in the New Testament. It speaks of a refreshing cool breeze on a hot summer day. A related Greek word is used in Acts 3:19 to describe our relationship with God: “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” (NIV)

We don’t know too much more about Onesiphorus, but I would be willing to guess what he is like. I bet he was a good listener. I bet he did not jabber endlessly. I bet he asked follow-up questions. I bet he was quick to hear and slow to speak. People who refresh us always are.

Josh Hunt, How to Get Along With Almost Anyone, 2014.